a Wash in the Rain
by Andatariel.x
Summary: It's the Marauders Seventh year at Hogwarts and Sirius and Remus are still avoiding their growing feelings for each other, James isn't helping the issue by teasing Sirius at every possible oppertunity.Main: RemusSirius, LilyJames, DISCONTINUED/COMPLETE
1. Hogsmead on a Rainy Day

Hogsmead On A Rainy Day

Of being queer, drinking too much and having holes in ones clothing

This chapter is from Remus' point of view.

Rain splattered against the window, making a hard pounding noise, trickles of water ran down the glass.  
I shivered and adjusted myself a little, I'm sitting on my bed, knees propped up reading a book, it's 'Portrait of Dorian Grey' by Oscar Wilde in case you were interested. Sirius is leaning against my legs resting his head on one of my knees.

"Put it down bookworm!" James exclaims from his own bed and lobs a pillow at me.

I ignore it completely, the pillow not James, though Lily does refer to James as 'it' when he's really pissed her off.

"He's trancing, Paddy sort it," Peter says there's a hint of something wicked in his voice.

There words 'uh-oh' have barely registered in my brain before Sirius crawls up the bed and licks my cheek, though it's not in the same slobbery way he uses on James when he's staring at a girl… it's not like the sloppy dog kisses he does to stop me studying, it's different, it's… it sends shivers down my spine.  
He laughs and bats my head, a habit that professor McGonnagle gets very annoyed with because we start batting fights in her lessons, I grin and wipe the spit away.

"How many time do I have to tell you that only bad puppies do that?" I ask teasingly and stroke his head, yeah he's my puppy dog.

He sighs and flops over putting his head in my lap. "I only do it for attention," he replies.

"I know you do," I say grinning.

James is looking at us contemplatively, his head is tipped to one side, "So how'd you fancy our chances against Slytherin next match?" he asks straightening.

Sirius sits up and leans his back on my knees, "I recon you'll get thrashed mate!" he says grinning, he always says this, and it always...

James dives over and grabs the pillow he threw at me earlier. Sirius reaches out and grabs his own pillow from his bed, which is right next to mine.  
I hide my head in my arms and hope I don't get hit too much.  
I awaken to the sound of rain still pelting the windows and the sound of the hair dryer, Sirius has obviously showered already meaning there'll be no hot water for the rest of us.

"You're such a fucking queer," James teases poking Sirius in the ribs, Sirius glares at him, he has the hair dryer and the straigteners and is attempting to sort his fringe out, it my fault is like it is, I blew up a potion and it singed his hair which had previously covered one of his eyes.  
He said it was okay though because his fringe had been refusing to do what he wanted it to and looking all ratty anyway, James thinks he only forgave me because I looked like I was about to cry, which I wasn't.

"Or you're just a woman," Peter says.

I can see Sirius gritting his teeth, can't they see it's bothering him? Sometimes James and Peter can be so dense.  
I sigh and climb out of bed, I'm the picture of dishevelment, my pjs are coming undone and my hairs sticking in all directions.  
I really wasn't crying, wipe that smirk off your face!

"Morning," I say yawning.

"Mornin'" Sirius says as James mutters about how it's about sodding time I hauled my lazy arse out of bed.

I give James the 'one finger salute' and grab my navy jumper and my favourite light blue jeans out of my trunk.

"Hogsmead today!" Peter exclaims, I can tell he now trying to change the subject, but knowing James he not going to quit teasing Sirius until he's provoked a reaction.

"Yeah, should be fun," I reply from behind my bed curtain, yeah, whatever, I've shared a dorm with these guys for six years but I'm still prissy about getting naked in front them when I'm sober, so fucking what? I get out from behind the curtain once my boxers are on.  
Peter mutters something that sounds distinctively like 'sissy', little git, if he had a freakin' huge werewolf bite on his ribcage then he wouldn't like stripping in front of people.  
Plus I think he should go behind his curtain to change out of common decency because no one wants to see that anyway.

"So Padfoot, are you Queer or a woman?" James asks.

"Shut up or I'm going to smack you!" Sirius growls.

"Aww, come on mate, we're just messing!" James says his grin fading a little.

"Well he doesn't like it so you should stop," I say buttoning my jeans then pulling a white shirt on.

"Thank you, Remus" Sirius replies still looking peeved.

Once I'm finished dressing I grab my wash bag and amble off to the bathroom, I have just about finished brushing my hair when there's a loud crash from the dorm.

"Shit, I was teasing!" James says staring at the door.

"That's why I told you to give up," I say leaving the room, instinctively following Sirius, it doesn't pay to leave him to sulk.  
He's stood at the end of the corridor, his arms on the windowsill; his shoulders are shaking a little.

"Siri, what the hell did he say?" I ask reaching out and putting a hand on his shoulder.

"He was just being stupid about me being queer, and…" he chokes up.

"And?" I prompt pulling him into a hug and resting my chin on his shoulder, which is no mean feat considering he's 6'0" and I'm only 5'4" meaning I'm on tiptoe.  
Stop giggling about my midgetness, being a wolf means all your food goes to keeping your body running and therefore you don't grow as much as other people and no it's not funny.

"So maybe… I dunno…" He says folding his hand around my arm.

"Are you?" I ask, scared of his answer but for all the wrong reasons.

"I don't know, I don't want to be but…" He replies "Merlin knows I've got enough problems without being, you know."

"Gay? Homosexual? A fag?" I give him a few suggestions.

"You're blunt to the point of vulgarity," He says sounding a little happier.

"I know, and you could be a werewolf, that's a fairly big problem." I reply planting a kiss on the back of his neck.

He laughs and turns around almost over balancing me, well I actually only don't fall over because his arm shoots around my waist and steadies me.

I giggle, yes giggle but in a strictly non-little girlish manner, "So, Mr. Padfoot, if you can withstand the Slytherins taking the piss for the rest of the day, do you want to come down to hogsmead with me today and just leave Mr. Prongs and Mr. Wormtail to their own devices?"

"Why Mr. Moony what a splendid idea!" Sirius replies grinning.

See sometimes we just start talking like posh old gentlemen, no one really knows why but it amuses us greatly.  
Even though as Lily pointed out we look like a pair of right prats walking down the street in our current attire talking like upper-middle-class stiffs.  
Sirius current attire being entirely too bum-flattering jeans, that used to be off-black but he wore them so much they are now grey and have several rips in them and the back pocket is falling off and a black zip-up hoodie with green converse.  
Which reminds me I need to put some shoes on before we go out unlike last time when I got to the gate and realised I was only wearing my socks.

James and Peter have already vacated the dorm so we grab our coats, I have to remind Sirius that a blazer in this weather is positively ridiculous before he opts for his trench coat and I pull on my pink converse, yes, pink, stop laughing I like them, and my dark green duffle coat which I love entirely too much and the elbow is getting a hole.

"You have a hole," Sirius says pointing at the elbow of my coat.

"Did you look at your jeans and hoodie when you put them on this morning?" I tease, his hoodie has a hole in each elbow and one of the pockets.

"Oh shush," he says tweaking my nose.

Hogsmead is very wet and we don't even bother trying to get into the Three Broomsticks which is jam packed.  
Instead we make our way to the Hogs Head, we know we shouldn't but there's a little thrill in being able to get served whatever we want there.

* * *

As per-bloody-usual Severus Snape and friends are sitting in one corner head bent close.

"Two pints of bitter," Sirius says and pays for mine as well, I got used to him paying for me after a while but it did used to bother me a little.

We sit at a table in the opposite corner of the room to the Slytherins, if James were here we'd be bothering them already but Sirius seems to have grown out of that, he still regularly bates Snape and came to school with a black-eye courtesy of Lucius Malfoy, but other than that he leaves them alone which suits me fine.

"Maybe it's a family thing," Sirius comments as Regulus Black leans over and kisses Snape full on the lips.

I snort and beer comes out of my nose, which isn't pleasant but it is rather funny.

"Come on, we have to be back at the Castle by six," Sirius says grabbing my hand.

I'm currently feeling very light-headed and giddy because for some unknown reason after a few pints it seemed like a good idea to try fire whisky, and then we liked it so we had a few more.

"He's wrecked," Snape comments smirking.

"Think I don't know that?" Sirius says slurring, in fact Snape was slurred too and Narcissa's fallen over giggling and doesn't seem to be able to get back up.

"Come on, Sevvie, we have to like gooo…" Regulus whines pulling at Snape's hand.

"Come 'ere," Sirius says pulling me up and making me wrap my arm around his shoulders.

We make it halfway back to Hogwarts before I fall over in a heap. "I think I might be drunk," I observe casually.

* * *

"You don't say," Sirius replied scooping me up in his arms, which is really rather dangerous because he's as likely to fall over as I am.

"Want a hand?" James asks looking at Remus who's half-passed out in Sirius' arms. They're outside the portrait hold.

"That'd be good," Sirius slurs though he's not as bad as Remus.

James smiles and tucks an arm around Sirius' waist. "Had a good day?"

"Yeah," Sirius replies.

"Bloody looks like it!" Frank Longbottom comments grinning.

Sirius would have given him the finger but his arms are full of Remus so he contents himself with poking his tongue out.

"Missed you, but only a little," Sirius tells James as he puts Remus onto his bed.

"You too, but only a little," James replies helping Sirius get Remus into a sitting position, Remus grumbles about this a little but he's too out of it to protest any more than that.  
Sirius slips the coat off the smaller boys shoulders and pulls his jumper off after it, then he removes Remus' shoes, socks and Jeans and helps him under the covers.

"I was right though wasn't I?" James asks quietly.

"Yeah, I guess that's why I got mad," Sirius replies stroking Remus' cheek before taking his own coat off and hanging it on a chair.

"Do you think you'll tell him?" James asks.

* * *

My head is pounding and painfull, and somehow I must have got to bed but I'm not sure how, I also don't recall stripping to my shirt.

"Hey, honey," Sirius says softly.

I groggily open my eyes, he's knelt on the floor next to my bed, he's still in his pjs, sweat-pants and a 'Pink Floyd' t-shirt.

"I feel really bad," I say croakily.

"You're hungover, you were totally out of it last night," Sirius explains.

"Did you and James make-up?" I ask rolling onto my side to face him.

"Yeah, we talked and it's all good," Sirius replies stroking my hair.

"Tha's good," I said quietly, it's nice, laying in bed with him stroking my hair, well it'd be nicer if I wasn't so nauseous and my head didn't hurt quite so much.

"It's Sunday so you can just stay in bed all day if you want," he suggests.

"Yeah, you come in to though," I say, I want a cuddle.


	2. Herbology is My Most Hateable Subject!

Herbology Is My Most Hateable Subject

Of wetness, nasty plants and much hilarity

This chapter is from Sirius' point of view. (Yes I have put censorship into action when Remus uses the c-word)

It's rained almost solidly for a week. It's actually rather deafening when hammering down on a green house roof.  
Not that I can hear much over the blood rushing in my ears, I'm quite sure it's rushing to other places as well but the less said about that the better.  
It seems strange, James is beckoning to me to come over but I can't seem to tear my gaze from Remus for long enough to get over there, the only thing that's really registering is that Remus Lupin has just removed his sodden robes and his white school shirt is totally see through, his pants are clinging in all the right places and he looks divine.

"Sirius," James hisses and grabs my arm pulling me towards the trays of plants that I'm guessing we'll be re-potting.

Remus follows unaware of the reaction I'm having to him. I'm surprised he hasn't noticed really, to me it feels as though the air is full of static.  
I'm also kind of surprised he didn't catch me sneaking glances at him all the way through Ancient Runes this morning.  
He leans on the shelf and looks at Professor Sprout who's beginning to talk about what we have to do this lesson.  
Not that I'm listening, I'm too busy looking at Remus, he's so elegant, he's kind of androgynous looking only you'd only mistake him for a girl on first glance, his shirt is sticking to him and the way he's leaning back isn't helping matters, he's…

"…really freakin' hot…" I mutter.

"Mr. Black, do you know what these are?" Professor Sprout asks gesturing at the plants, "Or were you just shooting your mouth off again?"

"I was just commenting on how it's really hot in here…" I reply feeling my face go scarlet.

I hate Herbology, I only took it because James and Remus were and it fit between Transfiguration and lunch.

"So was he looking at Sprout or Lupin?" Rookwood hisses to Snape.

"I can see why he'd be looking at Lupin, he's freakin' hot, for a Gryffindor," Narcissa mutters.

Snape raises his eyebrows.

"Dirty queer," Rookwood hisses leaning over the table.

Before I can even react James's hand is in the air, "Professor Sprout, may I request that mr. Rookwood be moved before I smack him?"

"What's he doing this time?" Professor Sprout asks with a sigh. James's request is not uncommon; Rookwood is a particularly loathsome specimen of barely human life.

"Calling my best mate queer," James replies glaring at Rookwood.

"Not that there's anything wrong with being homosexual but it's not something that should be used as an insult," Lily adds.

The corner of James's mouth twitches as though he's going to smile.

"Mr. Rookwood please go over there, and work with Mr. Saunders," Professor Sprout says and carries on with her explanation of what we're doing.

"If it helps any I'm going to tell Lucius that one," Snape says quickly but a look from Professor Sprout silences him.

"And that's going to help how?" Remus says very quietly.

"Lucius is about as straight as a circle," I reply in a whisper.

"So's your brother," Narcissa adds.

The next hour is punctuated by yells and curses, the plants we we're re-potting don't want to be re-potted and have roots covered with inch long needle-sharp thorns that attach themselves to your arms at unexpected moments.

"Fucking, ctish little shit of a friggin' plant!" Remus cries as he tries to re-pot a particularly large plant that wraps all of its roots around his wrist and squeezed.

Both me and James leap to his rescue and amongst much cursing manage to disentangle the roots but by the time we've gotten it off his hand and wrist have several bloody scratches and a deep gash that seem to have hit his main vein.

"Who used the c-word? Really I'd prefer that one not to be used, Mr. Lupin, hand in the air and off to the hospital wing this instant," Professor Sprout says upon seeing the bloodied mess that the damn thing has made of Remus's hand, I'm all for chopping it to bits with the hedge cutters but I don't think I should tell Sprout that.

"I'll take him, you know in case he passes out from blood loss or something." I volunteer.

Professor Sprout looks as though she's about to disagree but then she waves us off.

"Are you okay?" I ask as we make our way up to the castle, we're getting drenched again but I really don't care, my jumper is now wrapped around Remus's hand to keep the dirty rain out of his cuts.

"Yeah, I've had worse," Remus replies smiling at me. "Were you concerned or did you just want to get out of Herbology?"

How could he think such a thing? Why would I do this just to get out of a lesson? I'm totally helping out of the kindness of my… "Okay you caught me, but I was concerned too, I don't like to see you hurt!"

Remus blushes, well I think he does, it's probably just wishful thinking.

"Oh my god, guys, guys, Snivellus got grabbed around the waist by the venomous tentacular and it wouldn't let go!" James says happily as we join him at lunch, he's very wet from walking back up.

"Which made James piss himself laughing until he fell over, it was so, so, immensely funny!" Peter says his eyes lighting up.

"He turned the air blue!" Eli, one of Lily's friends, says grinning.

It sounds hilarious, like seriously falling on the floor crying because you're laughing so much hilarious.

"How's your poor hand?" Lily asks Remus.

"It's alright," Remus replies sitting in the space Lily's made for us.

I slide in next to him, "Madam Pomfrey had to bandage it though and he has to take this stuff to combat the poison in those spines,"

"Everyone who got spiked does," Eli says, she's pretty, I even thought I might like her as more than a friend once, and Peter totally fancies her, she's way out of his league though, she's tall and slim, has purple hair (dyed) and nice eyes.

She's also very, very funny.

"Man, I got spiked so bad, but not as bad as Remus, it's coming up in a rash so I'm probably allergic to the damn things," Eli says examining her hand, all the places she's gotten spiked are coming up in welts.

"The only person who didn't get spiked was Alice," James commented.

"Damn you Parker," I shoot down the table.

Alice giggles and pokes her tongue out, I notice a little silver bauble on her tongue, I wouldn't be surprised if she had it pierced.  
The teachers don't like piercings, the amount of crap I got of McGonnagle for my lip ring was stupid really.

"Ally, poke it out again!" Lily says leaning forward. Alice sticks her tongue out and points at the tongue stud.

"Aww, now I feel all left out!" Lily says pouting and grinning at the same time.

Eli sticks her tongue out, she has a tongue ring but its even less surprising than Alice's as she has her lip, nose and eyebrow pierced.  
I want one, have done since Lucius got his done when he was twelve, but apparently it's super painful and then you can eat properly for days.

"Don't, you'll just whine about it afterwards," Remus says as though he's reading my mind.

I grin and poke him with my fork.

* * *

After lunch they had Defence Against the Dark Arts in which the only real highlights were the Professor picking James for a demonstration and knocking him on his arse and Snape using such a powerful shield charm that the Professor fell over his desk and going to Charms which was only made less boring by Lily spilling ink all over one of the Ravenclaw girls by 'accident'.  
Then they went back up to the common room for free period.

* * *

"Flitwick is going to kill me tomorrow," James whines slamming his head onto the table with such a force I'm surprised it doesn't break his glasses. 

He hasn't done an essay that we were supposed to hand in today, only Flitwick let him off because of Hogsmead and Quidditch practice, he has to hand it in tomorrow.

"What's wrong?" Remus asks leaning over the table, he's already doing the ancient runes work we were set this morning, we have a week in which to do it but I guess his system works because he keeps on top of his work. Unlike me and James.

I'm doing my Muggle studies for tomorrow then I'm doing Wednesdays Defence against the Dark Arts.  
I run my hand through my fringe, which makes Peter giggle. I raise my eyebrow questioningly at him.

"You and James did that with your hair at the same time!" he splutters.

Remus has an amused smile on his face.  
I grin.

"It's called sharing a brain, dufus," Remus says patting Peter on the head.

Me and James used to have this thing in which we had decided that we really shared a brain, the teachers used to find it annoying how we'd say things in unison all the time, we haven't done it as much recently but it's probably because we have different vocabulary.

"Spiffing, thank you," James says, Remus has obviously helped him get un-stuck with his work.

I snort; it always amuses me when James says spiffing, but not as much as when he tries to sound posh.  
I have a rather odd accent; it's kind of upper-middle class Londoner mixed with a bit of Yorkshire that I've picked up off James and Alice.  
Remus's voice has a slightly welsh lilt when he says particular words, according to Lily anyway.  
Merlin knows why I'm thinking about accents though.

"Paddy do you need a walk?" Remus asks.

I'm tapping my foot and drumming my fingers, generally means I'm getting restless, Remus always seems to pick up on it and take me on 'walkies'.  
Yes it is a joke about me being a dog, well done for noticing.  
All we end up doing is walking around the castle because its still way too wet to go out, it's really pissing it down.

"You have Herbology then Potions tomorrow don't you?" Remus asks.

"Yeah, why do you ask?" I enquire tipping my head to one side.

"Because I'm going to wait for you by the dungeon toilets with dry clothes, you're not going to come in dripping wet and then go into that dungeon and catch pneumonia," He replies smiling.

I love it when he looks out for me, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy, I stop walking which makes him stop two then I grab him and hug him.  
To my slight surprise he winds his arms around my waist and buries his face in my hair, which is nice because it means we stand there hugging for a long time. I manage to resist the urge to have a quick feel whilst we're like this because it's really not a good thing to do and I have too much respect for the pair of us to actually do it, but it is a bit tempting.  
I don't think we've hugged like that since we made up last year.

Last year Severus Snape told me he knew Remus was a werewolf ad was going to tell everyone, so I tried to get him killed by telling him how to get under the willow and get proof.  
Not a good idea as Remus was mad at me for weeks and it started me self-harming again, but we eventually made up and had this huge tearful hug.  
That was when I realised that despite everything I wanted I could not chose my own sexuality and was indeed gay, not that I said it out loud until Saturday.

"We should probably go up to the tower soon," Remus mumbles into my hair.

"Yeah, five minuets," I say and we stay stood in a corridor wrapped in each other's arms for the next ten minuets.

"We've been here twenty minuets and forty-three seconds," Remus says detaching himself.

I could have stayed like that for days but I choose not to tell him that and instead I smile, sling my arm around his shoulders and we head back to the common room.

I awaken to feel a small tap on my shoulder, Remus is sitting on the edge of his bed in his pjs holding his security blanket, James takes the piss out of him for it so bad it's untrue but Remus takes it well enough and if it gets too much he mentions James's teddy Mocha.

"Hey, kid, nightmares again?" I ask, when he's sat there looking miserable with his blanket he reminds me of a child.

"Yeah, can I come in your bed?" He asks his voice is all shaky and barely audible.

"Of course you can babe," I reply and shuffle back lifting the covers for him to climb in.

"You sure it's okay?" He asks sliding in and pulling my arms around his shoulders, he's facing away from me so we're settled pressed up together.

"It always is, you know that!" I say planting kisses in his hair.

He makes a soft 'hmm' noise, which makes me smile.

* * *

James wakes up first, the rain is pattering against the glass of the windows but it isn't nearly as heavy as the previous day.  
He rubs his eyes and yawns, he's normally the last one up but there doesn't seem to be anyone moving around yet.  
He gets up and spots Remus's empty bed, well maybe he isn't the first one up, so he looks over at Sirius's bed, Remus and Sirius are curled up together.  
It's very probable that Remus had a bad dream, but it still makes James smile, if it makes them happy then that's great and Lily is finally warming to him so it's all good. 

He pads into the bathroom, he'd normally take a shower but he'll be doing Quidditch practice later so there's no point, two showers a day is one to many in James's opinion.  
He yawns and splashes his face with water as the alarm clocks begin to go off in the dorm, for once he doesn't have to queue for the bathroom, which is always a good thing.

* * *

I try to move to turn the ringing alarm off but find I can't, I'm too tightly wedged up against Remus. 

"Turn it off already," I groan.

There's a crash and the ringing stops, okay I really didn't mean hit it on the floor but it shuts it up which is fine with me.

Remus moves and then giggles as he realises that our legs have gotten tangled and its very hard to move.  
Stop laughing because you missed the 'to move' bit, fucking perverts.  
We eventually manage to untangle and get up only I'm wrapped in the blankets so when I try to stand up I fall over an then am giggling so hard I can't get back up.

"I don't want anything," I say pouting at Remus.

"Sirius if you don't eat you're going to get all cranky," James says shoving a piece of toast with butter into my hands.

I send him a reproachful look but eat the toast none the less.

"So we'll see you at eleven for Charms then right?" I say to Remus through a mouthful of toast.

"Sirius don't talk with food in your mouth," Remus replies rolling his eyes.

"Yes, mother," I says exasperatedly before swallowing my mouthful.

"Yes you will see me for Charms, James I trust you finished the work?" He asks.

"Yeah," James replies, "thanks for helping, and you," he says to Lily. "I got stuck again and Lily helped," he explains.

"Aww," Eli says patting James on the head.

Alana swats her hand, "She's had too much caffeine," she says grinning and shaking her head. Alana, our year, another friend of Lily's, gorgeous, long blonde curly hair, big blue eyes, looks like butter wouldn't melt.

She's very smart, very sarcastic, likes the library, her fuse is shorter than mine and she does an effective line of little evil canaries that attack when you piss her off.

"Well yes dear, if you spill your juice on your lap your skirt will get wet," she's saying to Alice who just knocked her orange juice over.

"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit," Lily comments.

"Then that makes you a total blockhead when you don't get it," Alana replies.

"Um because blockheads get Nine O's on their owls," Lily fires right back. "and at least my brain is around the same size as my tits,"

"Fucking large brain then," Alice mutters.

"Bitch!" Alana curses looking down at her almost flat chest, you really can't have everything.

"Can't have everything gorgeous," Eli tells Alana.

"Thanks babe, and you're only jealous because you're a carrot top," Alana replies.

"Because I'd love to be a dumb blonde," Lily snickers.

"At least my-" Alana starts to say.

"Ladies I can see where this is going and implore you to stop," Alice cuts in.

"Right, I'm off to Arithmancy," Remus says gathering his stuff.

Both Lily and Alana grab their thing two and grab Remus' hands.

"Later," Alana calls over her shoulder.

Free period bores us so, once James has done his Potions homework, him, Eli and me engage ourselves in a chess tournament, which Eli wins.  
I'm no good at chess anyway; my record is not managing not to lose for fifteen minuets.

Then it's off to Muggle Studies with James stressing over his work not being enough, he lost a lot of his arrogance last year when both me and Remus got more O's than him.  
I don't know how I got mine but Remus's was through intense study sessions.

Me and Eli play several games of hang man during Muggle Studies until I give up realising there isn't a single game I can think of that she can't kick my arse at.  
We'll just end up borrowing James and Alan's notes.  
Then we have a totally silent prodding fight with our quills, she wins again because she's rather vicious and scratches my arm, which promptly starts to bleed.

"Evil bitch," I hiss at her.

"Wimp," she hisses back.

"Unfeeling cow," I retort.

"Pansy," She mutters.

"Lesbian," I hiss back but then we get caught and sent out of the lesson.

"I hate you," I say as we enter the corridor.

"I hate you back," she replied exaggeratedly flipping her hair.

"I hate you more," I retort flipping my hair.

We being to make our way down the corridor but our false sulks are giving way to grins and by the time we reach the stairs we have our arms around each other's shoulders.

"So what if I'm a pansy?" I say still grinning.

"So what if I'm a lesbian," she replies and kisses me on the cheek.

I laugh.

Remus is sitting and reading a book when we enter the common room.

"Hey Remus," I say flopping into a chair.

He looks at his watch, looks at me, looks at his watch again and blinks, "how come you're not in your lesson?"

"We got sent out again," Eli says pulling a face.

"But James and Alana'll have notes so we'll be fine," I add.

Remus sighs and then smiles.

* * *

"You know you want to," 

"No way, you shouldn't have gotten yourself sent out!"

"Uh bitch, please, not my fault,"

"You know it is,"

"It isn't, please, just this one time!"

"You always say that,"

"Fuck you then, James can I borrow you're Muggle studies notes?"

**"Peter has a point Sirius,"**

"See, James likes me,"

"Whatever, we all know I'm his favourite!"

**"Since when?"**

"James don't even try to deny it!"

**"Fine, sorry Peter, he is my best mate,"**

"Ha! runt,"

_"Sirius don't call him a runt,"_

"Why?"

_"He takes it as well as you take James calling you queer,"_

"Yeah Paddy, I'm gonna go and cry now,"

**"Like hell Worm!"**

"Ha, who needs you Moony, I have Prongs on my side."

_"Who says I'm taking sides, I'm merely saying you shouldn't call Wormtail a runt,"_

"Anyway, stop distracting me, Jamie, you know I love you this much?"

_"James or Peter please just lend him your notes."_

**"But it's so fun!"**

"It really isn't,"

**"Shush you,"**

_"Prongs…"_

**"Moony he's on his knees and everything!"**

"'He' is called Padfoot,"

_"Prongs if you don't lend Padfoot your notes you know he won't let you borrow his Charms ones and he won't shut up about it either then I won't let you look at my notes,"_

"Moony you never let anyone look at your notes!"

_"Paddy, I'm defending you and that's the thanks I get?"_

"Moony you are wonderful but right now my knees are sore and this could look so bad if anyone comes in,"

_-snicker-_

"Padfoot! Moony! You perverts,"

_"Wormtail, don't call me a pervert until you've come over here and looked."_

-snort- "Prongs it looks like Paddy's giving you head,"

**"Fine have the damn notes!"**

**

* * *

"I'm cold now," Remus says grumpily, we've been sitting on the stands watching Quidditch practice, so far Eli has hit Alana with her beaters bat, Alice has fallen off her broom trying to not crash into a goal hoop and I've sat and laughed at them all because they're rubbish in this weather.  
We're sat under an umbrella because it's still drizzling. **"I'm cold now," Remus says grumpily, we've been sitting on the stands watching Quidditch practice, so far Eli has hit Alana with her beaters bat, Alice has fallen off her broom trying to not crash into a goal hoop and I've sat and laughed at them all because they're rubbish in this weather.We're sat under an umbrella because it's still drizzling. 

"Me too babe, but we have to be supportive," I reply pulling my gloves off and handing them to him.

"Thanks," He replies.

Our fingers brush together; his hands are like bloody ice! "Never a problem, they should be warm an all,"

"James, please, for everyone's sakes just shut up about Quidditch," Remus says, Quidditch practice finished an hour ago and we're in the common room in front of the fire.  
Remus is curled up in a chair reading again, some book about a portrait, I can't say I've ever read it, I don't really read much, I'd rather be drawing.  
Speaking of drawing, I have my sketchbook on my lap and I'm currently drawing my favourite subject. Remus.  
He looks so sweet all curled up in the huge chair.  
James and Eli are playing chess and whinging about Quidditch, he's actually beating her at chess, it's quite amusing really, she knows a lot of foul words and uses them frequently.  
Peter is burning bits of bread crust that he's fished out of his coat pocket; he likes to burn stuff our Pete does.

"Finished," Lily says placing an old battered book on the table next to Remus's chair.

"Awesome isn't it," Remus replies not even bothering to look up.

"I don't know how you sleep after reading all those old creepy books," Lily says with a shudder, "I'm going to have nightmares for weeks,"

"Easy, he comes in my bed," I say grinning and perfecting the shading on Remus's nose.

On the drawing, not the actual real life Remus, daft bints.

Wait… when did I pick up 'daft bints' and off who?

"That's probably the reason he reads them," Eli comments, she's really the only person who can get away with making jokes about me and Remus without me wanting to hit her.  
She has been dating Alana for the past three years and I did used to wind them up about being lesbians before I knew that they actually were.

Remus is blushing…

"Ooh, can I peek?" Lily asks pointing at my drawing.

"You can, you aren't in it," I reply, I really can't be doing with Remus getting up to have a look before I finish plus it'll make him conscious he's being drawn which would fuck up the picture.

"It's good!" Lily says, "Drawings great isn't it!"

"You draw?" I ask.

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours," Lily replies.

James looks up at us suspiciously then looks at my sketchbook and a look of comprehension washes over his face, he grins and watches Eli take her turn.

((Thank you AdmiralJackal! I may not update so quickly next time it depends how long it takes to write, lol, I got this one beta'd so there won't be as many mistakes))


	3. Unsurity Is a Curse on the World

Unsureity is a Curse on the World (and probably not even a word)

This chapter is from Remus' point of view.

"Remus isn't coming to breakfast,"

"Why not?"

"Says he's going to finish up his Arithmancy work, he got behind last night because of his hand."

"Oh, I see,"

"Yeah, he says he'll see you for Ancient Runes,"

"I could have done it for him,"

"What?"

"The work,"

"You can't do Arithmancy!"

"Well if he'd have told me what he wanted to write! And why's his hand any better today?"

"The cuts closed after a while dimwit!"

"Stupid plant,"

"And what was the point of wrapping his hand against the rain when the cuts were full of dirt anyway?"

"I dunno, it just seemed like the right thing to do, don't ask me to explain the twisted inner workings of my highly warped mind"

"You're bizarre, you are,"

"I thought you'd have figured that one out a long time ago!"

"and you used quite a few sophisticated words there!"

"If you call that sophisticated Potter you're very, very lower class,"

"Careful, git!"

"Why, you're a mere commoner!"

"Rigth, you're dead Black!"

"En Garde!"

"Take this you scurvy nave!"

* * *

I drop my books onto my bed, I have a Free Period right after lunch so I'll get my things then, I'm supposed to meet Sirius, James and Peter in the great hall but I always come up and put my bag out of the way first, it's not too nice hauling books around from three lessons.

Sirius's sketchbook is lying open on his bed so I take a quick peek.  
The drawing it's open on is me, reading 'Dorian Gray' by the fire last night, it makes me smile, he's a really good artist not that he admits it.

Sirius is looking particularly melancholy as I enter the Great Hall, James is holding what looks to be a civilised conversation with Lily, which is a rarity, Eli is ranting at Alana who's ignoring her and Peter is drifting around in a distinctly Peter-like way.

"What's up?" I ask Sirius sliding onto the bench next to him.

"The Muggle Studies teacher made a seating plan and spilt us all up," Sirius replies sounding thoroughly dejected.

"I don't really blame the poor bloke, it's our NEWTS and we do disrupt his lesson almost every time," James sighs.

He's right, they do tend to get thrown out of the lesson on a regular basis.

"Yeah but he could have at least sat me with Peter, you get to sit with the Hufflepuff chick and I'm stuck with Rookwood," Sirius says shuddering.

"Poor thing!" Lily exclaims and throws her arms around him.

I'm immediately jealous which is really thick because it's not like I own him or something but I wanted to be the one to hug him over that!

"We all have Free Period next right?" Alice asks tipping her head to one side.

"I'm the only one who doesn't, it's off to divination for me," Alana says shrugging.

She's missing out on the best Free Period in my opinion, we're all there and everyone helps each other, which is very handy when you have homework from three lessons.

"I'm totally lost," Sirius declares dropping his quill to the table in defeat, he was already doing his muggle studies homework.

"What with?" I ask, having lived with a Muggle mother and a father who was always away on business, I knew a great many things about Muggles.

"What in the hell is the use of a microwave when one has an oven already?" Sirius replies wrinkling his nose.

He's very cute when he pulls that expression.

"Well it cooks things quicker and in a different way…" I start to explain.

* * *

James sat and watched Remus explaining how a microwave worked to Sirius with a smile on his face, Remus kept indicating to places on the diagram with the tip of his quill.

Their heads were bent close together.

It made James smile.

* * *

"Sitting around the fire it is then!" Alana says massaging her shoulder; we've just been discussing what to do for the rest of the evening

"Are you sure you're okay?" Eli asks concerned.

"It did look like you hit that desk pretty hard, seems Sirius has really gripped non-verbals," I say putting my hand on alana's arm, "not that you needed to use that much force, you only needed to disarm the poor girl," I tell Sirius giving him a look of mock disapproval.

He blushes, "Look, I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you,"

"It's perfectly fine, darling, being thrown at tables is a secret little hobby of mine," Alana replies rolling her eyes.

"Leave the poor boy alone now, he's sorry and it was what we were meant to be doing," Lily says.

I wonder when she started sticking up for us, I mean she's been more friendly than usual but that was unexpected.

"Thank you, I mean really it's beginning to piss me off now," Sirius says sounding a touch hurt and a lot petulant.

I reach over and squeeze his arm. "We're teasing,"

"Sweets, it doesn't matter, I have a beautiful girl waiting on me hand and foot just because of a little discomfort, you did me a favour!" Alana says grinning.

Eli is stood behind her chair giving her a shoulder massage.

"Anyway, I saw that drawing you did last night, it's really good, the one of me I mean," I say distracting Sirius from being upset.

"Oh, it was just a sketch, it's really not…" Sirius stutters.

"It's amazing, you're really talented!" I cut him off mid-sentence.

"You really think?" Sirius asks going pink.

* * *

Sirius blushed so bad when Remus complimented his art, it was funny how he took every compliment a little bashfully when given them but when they came from Remus… well it was like it was the biggest thing in the world, like Remus's opinion meant everything to him.  
It probably did.  
It was fairly obvious that Remus really liked Sirius and Sirius had, only the other day, told James how he felt about Remus, if only they could see how much they liked each other, that seemed to be their one major obstacle.  
Every so often he'd watch Remus catching Sirius staring or Sirius noticing Remus blushing after he'd been nice to him or shown he cared, and every single time they'd catch each other there'd be a few seconds when it looked as though they might just realise only then they'd get this unsure look on their faces and look away.  
Shame really.  
Unsurity, James mused, is a curse on the world.

* * *

((Sorry for the shortness, I promise the next one will be longer but I hated to keep you waiting, I went to my big sisters party and then spent the day with her on her birthday, and had to take the train to get to hers.  
I need a laptop, if I had one i could have written some of this on the train.  
And I've had an art exam.

Bear with me for the next one, this thing should last fourteen chapters!))


	4. Flu is Worse Than Unsurity

Flu is Worse Than Unsurity

Of water, flu and friendship

This chapter is from Sirius's point of view. (I've cut Friday so this starts on Saturday and then I cut Sunday, just because it wasn't working otherwise)

(In case you hadn't guessed, normalSirius, _italics_Remus, **bold**James)

I awake to the sound of coughing and sneezing, in the last day flu has swept the school, it seems everyone is coming down with it.  
I rub my eyes and yawn then sit up and push the curtains back from around my bed, Peter is sat up sneezing for England.  
Remus's curtains are already open and he's not in his bed, however I figure out where he is as soon as I hear the shower.  
James's curtains are drawn around his bed and he's still snoring, I grin and get out of bed creeping over to James's.

Suppressing a giggle I quietly open the curtains and grab the glass of water off the bedside cabinet.

"Sirius, that's so mean…" Peter says quietly, but he's grinning.

I draw back the covers with the stealthiness of a ninja and pour the water all over James's head.

He squeals and sits up. "Sirius Orion Black you're the worlds biggest git!" he yells.

Remus sticks his head out of the bathroom, he's wrapped a towel around his waist and he's dripping wet.

"What on earth are you doing now, Padfoot?" He asks raising his eyebrow, he's got a grin on his face.

"He… that gittish… gittish bastard poured water over me to wake me up," James whines petulantly.

James literally hasn't stopped bitching about my pouring water on him for the last twenty minuets, it's getting a bit boring now.  
I do know it wasn't very nice to pour cold water over him but he really should just stop bitching, we've done worse to Snivellus.

Remus looks kinda pale.  
Actually Remus is always kinda pale but he looks paler than usual, which is never a good sign.  
I think he might be coming down with this damn illness too.

"Yes James, I'm sure it was very upsetting for you, now shut up and eat your toast," Remus says rolling his eyes.

James 'humphs' but does what Remus told him to.

Why doesn't he ever listen to me like that?  
Bastard.  
Then again I let Remus boss me around all the time, of course we all know why that is but it's totally not the point.

"Earth to Sirius?" Peter says waving his hand in front of my face.

"Huh?" I blink and realise I have a spoonful of cereal poised to enter my mouth only then I zoned out and forgot about it.

Remus is grinning into his glass of orange juice.

I smile and eat the spoonful of cereal.

"Everyone has this stupid flu!" Lily remarks as her and a girl with pink hair slide onto the bench, the girl is called Cordelia Jones and she's Lily's friend.  
She's really annoying.  
No, I'm kidding, she's alright, we get on okay but she'd rather spend her time with Luke from Hufflepuff than any of us Gryffindors.

Lily's sat next to James and Cordelia is next to Remus, whom she gets on with as he and Luke study together when me and James are refusing to go to the library with him.

"How's Luke?" Remus asks.

"Lukeie has the flu," Cordelia replies pouting.

Peter sneezes.

* * *

Poppy Pomfrey looks around the hospital wing, the students are dropping like flies and so far there doesn't seem to be any cure.  
It's not something that's life-threatening but sick students are going to have to stay in their dorms from now on, every bed in the wing is full.  
All the students visiting their friends are not helping to contain the spread.

* * *

Eli gently strokes a strand of silky blonde hair off her girlfriends face, she's clammy and sneezy.  
However the hospital wing is already full, not that Eli can't look after her, it can't be that hard looking after a sick person can it? 

"See I think this can be entirely blamed on the Slytherins as they've been coming down with it all week, really, first it was the Slytherins then the Ravenclaws who have lessons with the Hufflepuffs who gave it to us Gryffindors!" Alice says plaiting her hair.

"Nice to see you're capable of tracing the spread of a highly contagious illness right back to the Slytherins whom we blame everything on," Lily says entering the dorm.

Alice sticks her tongue out.

"How's she doing?" Lily asks resting a hand on Eli's shoulder.

"She's okay, the temperature went down again, she's sleeping now and I don't want to wake her though," Eli replies.

* * *

By the time we've gotten back to the common room after dinner I have determined two things, one of which is that Remus is not okay, he is most certainly coming down with the flu.  
For a start he barely ate and his cheeks are very pink looking.

"I really think we should get Madame Pomfrey to check you out," I tell him as he flops into a chair.

"Sirius, I see the inside of the hospital wing enough times that I don't want to go down there when there's nothing wrong with me," He replies sighing.

"You do look more than a little the worse for wear," James says sitting in the chair opposite Remus's.

"I'm fine will you stop fussing?" Remus says testily.

"Look, darlin', we're just worried about you that's all, we don't want you to get ill," I say patiently, sitting on the arm of Remus's chair.

Remus merely closes his eyes and rests his head on my lap.  
I put my hand on his forehead, he's burning up.

"Well if you won't go to the hospital wing I'm sending you to bed!" I say getting up and pulling him with me.

It takes a few minuets for my brain to register that I'm awake and a few more for my body to pick up on that fact.  
The second thing I realise is that the bathroom door is open slightly and the light is on, as my eyes adjust I realise that Remus's bed is empty.

I get up and pad over to the bathroom, "Are you okay?" I ask quietly.

Remus isn't the type to pee with the door open, even when everyone is asleep; I mean he still changes his underwear behind the curtain!

"Yeah…" He replies, but he doesn't sound alright at all so I go in.

He's sat on the floor between the toilet and the sink, totally pale and slightly green looking, it smells of vomit…

"Aww, sweetheart, are you okay?" I say kneeling down next to him.

He shakes his head and his eyes well up.

"Come here," I say pulling him into a hug. "Are you sure you won't come to the hospital wing tomorrow?"

"It's full anyway…" he replies gripping the material of my shirt.

"I guess… but I'm getting Madame Pomfrey tomorrow!" I said.

"Okay… Siri, I'm gonna vom again…" Remus replies letting go of me.

I sit back a stroke his back, it's really all I can do.

* * *

Sirius spent Sunday nursing Remus, Madame Pomfrey even said he should consider nursing as a career. Sirius just laughed.  
Some of the people originally hit with the virus weren't feverish anymore but they still needed rest but it was a good sign.

"**How is he?"  
**"Not great but he'll live, Madame Pomfrey says he just needs a lot of sleep and to sweat it out,"  
**"Oh, well that's not too bad then, I guess, poor beggar,"**  
"Yeah, that's what I thought,"  
**"I'm kinda bummed really, I mean I'd rather be ill than go to class!"**  
"Don't be daft Potter,"  
**"Can't help it, Daft is like my middle name!"**  
"Funny that, I thought your middle name was…"  
**"Sirius Orion I've told you that subject is off limits!"**  
"Fucker."

Not many students attended class that following Monday though there was plenty of talk about it being entirely the Slytherins fault.  
Remus stayed feverish and so Sirius popped in to check on him in between classes.

**"He's going to be so bummed about getting behind on his classes…"**  
-giggle- "Very true, I have work for him to catch up on from ancient runes,"  
**"If I get flu then you're not allowed to get catch up work for me!"**  
"I wouldn't dream of it, Prongs…"

* * *

"How are you feeling baby?" I ask stroking Remus's hair out of his face, he's just woken up.

"Hot and ick," he replies in a weak voice.

"Aww, my poor sweetie," I say dabbing a cold flannel on his cheek.

He reaches over and gives my free hand a squeeze.

"Madame Pomfrey says it only lasts a few days and then you'll just feel tired for a while, and she says I'm to try and keep you temperature down if it goes really high," I tell him.

I honestly don't mind nursing him, even if I get sick because of it.  
I hate seeing him ill, I hate going into the hospital wing after full moon and seeing him all torn up. He's not as bad anymore though.

"Thanks, you're too good to me," He says smiling a little for the first time since Saturday night.

"You deserve the best." I tell him kissing the hand that's holding mine.  
I lean over and grab the thermometer, "So are you going to co-operate or do I have to take your temperature like one has to take a dogs?" I ask.

"I'm not James," Remus replies faking peevishness and then opening his mouth.

"Don't mess with it this time just leave it there!" I sternly command, last time he was messing with it and biting it and it didn't work properly.

"Well it's gone down," I tell him when he gets bored and spits the thermometer out.

"Good," Remus replies.

"James called me Sirius Orion earlier." I tell him pouting.

"What did you do first?"

"Nothing! but I did call him a fucker afterwards,"

"Siri your language is horrendous,"

"Coming from the guy who yelled the c-word in class!"

"I had good reason, you just swear all the time and it's appalling,"

"Trust you to use big words even when you're sick,"

Remus smirks, he should be resting…

Oh, great nurse I am.  
Distracting him from his well-needed rest.  
Now that really is appalling.  
"You need more sleep," I tell him standing up to go.

"I hate you," he groans.

It doesn't take Remus long to get sick of resting up, probably because he has to do it so damn often.  
I sigh.

"No, I don't really, Pads, I love you to bits," He says keeping a firm grip on my hand.

"I love you to bits too, it's like a very bitty love-fest or something like that…" Sirius Orion Black stop babbling. "Yeah, it's just like that, anyway you have to sleep and I have to study, so I'll see you later," I say finishing my ramble.

Remus smiles.

"I really do love you," I say leaning down and planting a kiss on his cheek.  
More than you know, I silently add.

* * *

"I'm stuck!" James said dropping his quill in disgust. The Charms homework was unusually hard and his brain ached.

"What are you doing?" Lily asked leaning over and peering at the near-blank sheet on the table in front of James.

"Charms," James replied pouting.

"would you like me to help you?" Lily offered.

"That would be great, thanks," James replied grinning.

* * *

_I can't believe I just told him I love him.  
_Oh, Merlin, please don't let him have guessed I like him as more than a friend!  
_Then he kissed me… Maybe he does like me… No, that's just wishful thinking…  
_Maybe I really did want him to guess, I don't know, I just want him to like me back.  
_But why would someone like him go for me? I'm not all that attractive, I'm a werewolf…  
_There's no way he'd want me, I'm too insecure.  
_He did kiss me and say he loves me  
_He did hold my hand tell me he loves me to bits.  
_It was probably just friendly.  
_It was probably just friendly.

* * *

He doesn't feel as hot when I go back to the dorm, he's sleeping but it's probably for the best, I'm not sure if I can be around him tonight.  
It's stupid, it's all come on so fast, one minuet I can control my feelings towards him the next I can't hide them anymore.  
They do say one week can change your life. I think I've had a few of them this year.

* * *

_I pretended to be asleep when he came in. I almost didn't manage, especially when he checked my temperature. I know all he's doing is being a good friend._  
_I know I'm trying to read more into it when there isn't more there.  
__It's been harder than ever this week, now I know he's gay, it's all threatening to spill over only I don't want to, I don't want to tell him because I know he won't feel the same.  
__Why did I have to go and do the one thing that people really shouldn't do? I mean sure, there are lots of other really bad things I could have done, and I know I'm being a drama queen, but falling for my bestfriend?  
__Am I a complete idiot?_

* * *

It's official; I cannot get to sleep. I want Remus. I want him to be all well again and to be able to make up some excuse about nightmares and just be able to crawl into his bed and get a cuddle.  
Why could I fall in love with someone who wasn't off limits?  
At least James is happy, Lily helped him with Charms homework so he sat and chatted to her all night.  
I was half-happy for him and half-annoyed. I wanted to talk to him about earlier.  
Actually I wanted to talk to Andy but would have settled for James.

I get up and pull a jumper over my pjs, I need to do something, I'm just not ready for sleep, my brain needs to switch off first.  
I grab my sketch book and go down to the common room.

Eli has fallen asleep in a chair, sleeping people are the perfect art subjects, they don't tend to spot you drawing them and then pose.

First though I scan through my book, it's always nice to look at old art before you start a new drawing.  
The majority of my pictures are of Remus and James and I have one of James's dad that I'm really pleased with, I drew one of James's mum but she insisted that she be allowed to hang it on the kitchen wall.  
There are a considerable amount of my brother at the front of the book. He's nice to draw because he doesn't pose even if he catches you.  
I have a lovely one of him watching me draw him.  
I flick to a blank page and lose myself in my art for a while.

* * *

Author's babbling:  
Sorry it took so long for me to update.  
I'd hit really bad writers block when it came to Harry Potter, I couldn't think of new material for my fics or my RPs! –emotear-  
Then it gets to June and at fecking last I have a complete chapter four then guess what? The floppy draw broke! I don't have the net on this computer and I don't have a burner because it's a pile of crap and then a bit of floppy gets stuck in the draw! Argh.  
Fixed now, thanks to me enginuity with a safety pin some stickytape and a chopstick!

Credit for Cordelia goes to Letty Merrylegs. Who is incidentally one of the best people in the world.

Thank you to everyone who's got this on his or her favourites or alerts and thanks to all who've reviewed!

Gives you a Remusplushie for sticking with the story even though it took me ages!

Plus: Why is Remus so damn blind? Don't you just think Sirius is being a bit obvious? God-damn it. Then again it'd mess the story a bit if they just got together in chapter four?


	5. Flu is Also BORING!

Flu is Also BORING!

Of boredom, monopoly and a kiss. 3

This chapter is from Remus's point of view.

I wake up to the sound of total silence.  
Strange that.  
What the hell time is it anyway?  
Man what day is it for that matter?  
I feel like I've been sleeping for a month.

I pull the curtains back, the dorm is empty and it's quite eerie for it to be this si-

"Remus! You're awake! Are you feeling better yet?" Eli asks bounding into the dormitory.

"Uh, kind of, what day is it?" I ask regaining my composure.

"It's Thursday and it's lunchtime but I came up to bring you a sandwich if you were feeling up to eating." Eli replies coming over and sitting on my bed.

"Definitely up to it!" I say, all this being sick has left me ravenous.

"I though you might be, you haven't eaten in three days, oh and I'm under strict instructions to take your temperature once you're done," She says handing me a cheese sandwich.

I dig in immediately.

"Sirius and James have gotten all the work from all your classes apparently you spent most of Tuesday asleep and yesterday you seemed a lot better!" Eli chatters as I eat.

Once I'm finished she whips out the thermometer and sticks it in my mouth. My temperature has gone down a lot.

"Oh but Madame Pomfrey says you're to stay in bed until Saturday because otherwise you'll get tired out and have a relapse!"

"Wait that's two days? Stuck in bed? The past four days have been hell and I've been partly ill for them, which lowers the boredom factor, but two more days? Is she kidding?" I blurt dismayed.

I really do feel much better today and I hate being stuck in bed!

"Thought you might say that," Eli shrugs, "Alana can get up again tomorrow and she complains worse than you do but Lily sent me with a few books to keep you occupied!"

She dumps a stack of books onto my bed.

"Well happy reading and I really must be off!" she says getting up and kissing my forehead.

"Wait, where are Sirius and James?" I ask.

"Oh they're in McGonnagle's office, them and Snape got into trouble for fighting." She replies.

"Hey honey," Sirius announces waltzing in hours later just as I throw a book across the room at the wall.

"Not a happy bunny?" He asks.

"No! A bored bunny, a very bored bunny!" I say petulantly.

"Wait? Remus Lupin complaining? I must be dreaming, either that or you're still very sick!" James teases entering after Sirius and coming straight over to my bed and putting a hand on my forehead.

"Fuck you, Potter" I grouch.

"Aww, it's just that you never complain about anything, ever!" Sirius says sitting on the end of my bed.

"But never fear," Peter says appearing from nowhere, i.e. I hadn't noticed him come in, "We have Monopoly!"

"Eh?"

"As in the game where you make money!" Peter says sighing.

"I know what monopoly is but how on earth did you get it?" I ask incredulous.

"Well I sorta bought it in case we ever got really bored…" Peter explains as James and Sirius shrug and pull silly faces.

"And just to spice things up a little just for the poor losers who have to live with sucking the two richest people have to kiss each other!" James says grinning sadistically.

"You're sadistic." I say with a grin.

"Bankrupt." Peter says flicking his little green car off the board.

"Ha. I was just ten of having to say the same thing!" James says cheering up a little. He really hates losing, especially to Sirius who managed to purchase all or Mayfair. (The most expensive place on the board)

I hastily shove my five 100 notes from view so I just have ten too but it's too late.

"Go on then." James says his eyes flicking from me to Sirius and back again.

Uh-oh.  
I've never kissed, except for that time me and James let curiosity get the better of us, but we were twelve and it wasn't really proper kissing it was all sloppy and we kept crashing teeth.  
I bite my lip.

Sirius blushes and turns to face me then cups my chin with his hand and pulls me into a kiss that's nothing like the one I shared with James.

James wolf-whistles as Sirius's tongue very obviously enters my mouth, not that it's anything more than background noise.

Peter coughs slightly and we break apart.

Then my brain kicks in.

I just kissed Sirius, with tongues.

Oh.  
My.  
GOD.

Shit…

Authors note:

I'll keep this one short and sweet. Just keep you guessing as to what's going to happen next. I'll give you a Sirius plushie if you review and tell me what you thought of their frist kiss.


	6. Not Say What I Really Mean

Not Saying What I Really Mean

Of dreams, memories and falling in love

This Chapter is from Sirius's point of view.  
(''dreams and memories.)  
(btw. wheee mild fanservice!)

'His lips are warm and soft against mine, Merlin, he's so fucking perfect that I forget who I am, who else is there, everything, if you asked me my name I probably couldn't tell you, when I remember this feeling I'm unable to speak.  
I tease his lips with my tongue until he opens his mouth, it's not sloppy in the slightest, either he has practice he hasn't told me about or he's a natural, either way it's great, only this time there's no whistle, no one else is with us, we're alone.  
My hand slides from his chin to the back of his neck, the fingers of my other hand trace his bony hip, slip up the shirt and connect with soft, slightly cold, skin.  
His hand moves from my chest and moves down so his arm is encircling my waist.  
Our tongues move together, he's losing his shyness and is gradually becoming more responsive, I gently nip his tongue with my teeth and a small moan escapes his lips.  
My arm entwines around his waist, pulling him closer my hand sliding down the back of his…'

Brrriiiing, brriiing, brriiing.  
I reach out and hit the alarm clock.  
Damn it.  
Have you ever woken up wanting to slay asleep if only to hold onto a dream that's slipping away the more conscious you become?  
Well that's what that's like.  
Bastard Alarm.  
Then another problem pops up, or has popped up, quite literally.  
Fuck.  
Think about…  
Your mother  
Your grandmother.  
Aunt Maud.  
Regulus.  
Homework.  
Flitwick.  
Oh thank Merlin.  
Safe.  
I sit up and pull the hangings back; James is up, in the shower, singing. It makes me snicker, he's so off tune it's insane.  
Peter peeks out through a gap in his hangings, "he's been like this for an hour," he says rolling his eyes.  
"James has been in the shower for an hour?" I enquire incredulously.  
James takes about one shower every three days and spends about ten minuets in there.  
"Yep, no idea what's made him so damn chirpy." Remus says sulkily.  
I'm glad I'm still under the covers as I'm playing up. Again. Memories of the dream flood my mind and I can feel myself going scarlet.  
Heh. Playing _up _geddit? Okay. I know it's lame. But it amuses me!  
"Lily." Peter replies. "You know I'm going to be the only single Marauder…"  
"Huh?" Remus asks and then he gets a look of comprehension and goes a nearly impossible shade of vermilion.  
"Shut the fuck up it was a fucking dare!" I snap glaring at the blonde.  
"Aww, you love each other really," James says emerging from the bathroom dripping wet with a towel around his waist.  
"James Potter, shut up or I'm going to batter you!" Remus growls.  
"Poor Remus, you PMSing?" Peter says with mock sympathy.  
"Look, runt, I'm not ill anymore but I'm supposed to stay in bed all day, it's nearing full moon, and if you mess with me you're liable to get a bloodied nose!" Remus snarls shutting his hangings.  
Normally I'd go and calm him down but I don't think I can, I don't think I could look him in the eye after yesterday and then that dream…  
I get out of bed and head to the bathroom.  
I'm so glad this shirt is big.  
Not that _it_'s small.

I need a shower and it doesn't matter if James has used all the hot water because it needs to be a cold one anyway.  
I turn the tap, pull my t-shirt and boxers off and step under the cold stream; it's just what I need to clear my head.  
It reminds me of the rain, which is apparently going to start again.  
Ever since I was very little I've loved the rain, to be outside in a torrential down pour with all your clothes clinging to your skin, your hair sodden, it feels so good and pure, it washes everything away, the blood, the tears, the pain…

'It's freezing, the rain comes down in torrents, flooding drains and guttering, lashing against windows, the sky's a deep oppressive grey.  
Black trousers sticking to my legs, white shirt plastering to my torso, pale skin showing through the wet material, showing bruising to the ribs.  
Blood causing little pink stains where it had dripped or run.  
No one to be seen except for me, the seven year old walking through the graveyard in the rain, away from the warmth of the hearth fire, away from the roof and walls that keep the water and wind out.  
Not away from safety though, it's never safe there, my parents, volatile in temper, unrestrained in dishing out unwarranted punishment…'

I've always found the rain therapeutic, I did then, after that beating and the many that followed it. I'd go out in the rain and wash it all away, it was that or cut myself, I'm ashamed to say I've done both.  
I wouldn't cut again, but I still go out in the rain.  
I let a sigh escape my lips, my skin is beginning to goose pimple and I'm going to start shivering.  
I step out of the shower and turn the taps off.  
Yes. I'm good at tap seducing… oh lord what am I on this morning?  
I grab a towel and pull it around myself fetching another for my hair.

* * *

"Honey, I'm fine, stop fussing," Alana complains pulling her shirt straight and raising her eyebrow at her concerned girlfriend.  
"All I'm saying is maybe you shouldn't do potions, I'm not saying go back to bed and stay for a week, just I don't think it's a good idea for you to spend two hours in a cold damp dungeon!" Eli exclaims frowning.  
Alana sighs and takes her tie off ditching it on the chair, "Fine then matron, I won't go to potions, but I am attending Herbology and all my lessons after lunch,"  
"Good!" Eli says rolling her eyes and half-smirking.  
"However…" Alana says making her way very slowly across the room, "I will want… company." she says shoving Eli onto the bed and kissing her passionately.  
"Jeeze," Eli says trying in vain to catch her breath after they break apart. "What's got you horny?"  
"What with your period and then my flu we haven't done _anything _for two weeks, I'm deprived," Alana replies in mock-innocence and closes the hanging nearest to her.  
Eli smiles and raises an eyebrow. "So what exactly do you want?" she asks in a low voice.  
"You. Naked." Alana replied and whips Eli's tie off, Eli's fingers fumbling with the buttons on Alana's shirt.  
Alana grins and wriggles out or the shirt, revealing a light-pink lacy bra. "Now El, that skirt really is inappropriately short, you know," she purred pulling her girlfriends skirt off with ease. "Tights? I hate tights." Alana sighed.  
Eli merely smirked and removed them revealing purple panties.  
"Matching hair and panties? I like it." Alana half-giggled shoving her girlfriend back onto the mattress and closing the remaining curtain.

* * *

"Where's Eli? I saw her and Alana at breakfast but they haven't shown up since," I whisper to Lily.  
"I don't know, they went back to the dorm for… ew…" Lily wrinkles her nose.  
"Ew what?" I ask.  
"Bet they're, you know…" Lily says looking uncomfortable.  
"Having sex?" I ask and cause Lily to temporarily become a beetroot.  
Well okay she doesn't actually turn into an actual vegetable but she goes very very red. Which is fairly amusing really. Most things that make Lily uncomfortable are.  
I'm not saying vegetables are in the slightest funny except from when they're penis shaped.  
Shut up brain.

* * *

"Better?" Eli murmurs in Alana's ear, they're laying together, Eli's right arm around Alana's shoulders, holding her hand their fingers entwined, Eli's left hand playing with Alana's hair.  
"Mmhmm," Alana replies opening her bright blue eyes and looking up into Eli's hazel ones.  
"I love you," Eli whispers.  
"I love you too," Alana replies smiling a little.  
"You really are worth it, worth everything," Eli says kissing her girlfriends head.  
"All the shit? All the names? All the insults? The disapproving parents? All of it?" Alana asks.  
"Every tiny little thing," Eli replies.  
"You're mad. A raving lunatic. Totally bonkers." Alana comments.  
Eli lets out a laughing 'Hmph'  
"You're worth it two though." Alana says looking away into the folds of the hangings.

* * *

The latest rain shower hammers on the glass roof and our breath is steaming everything up, not the nicest of conditions to be working in.  
"So what were you two doing whilst skiving potions?" I ask Alana and Eli in Herbology.  
Eli grins, "We were doing unmentionable things whilst the dorm was empty!" she hisses.  
I giggle.  
"Matron here said I wasn't to go to potions because the dungeon isn't nice so I had my very wicked way with her instead." Alana says shrugging.  
"You lot less talking more working!" Professor Sprout says irritably.  
"What do girls do anyway? I mean there's nothing to go in anywhere…" James says pulling a confused face.  
"Fingers James." Alana says holding her hand up.  
"Yeah and besides women don't need to be penetrated to be pleasured," Cordelia points out.  
"Eh?" James says, all of his notions of sex seem to be flying out of the window.  
He's so cute and inexperienced.  
Ooh. Get me. It's not like I've done it but I have looked at porn and read some of Dad's topshelf books, so I know more than James.  
Eli giggles, "it's called a clitoris…"  
"I pity whoever ends up with you, you need serious training," Alana sighs rolling her eyes.  
"This is a totally inappropriate conversation to be having" Lily says, she sounds honestly shocked by us, "let alone in a classroom,"  
Aww. Poor little flower, she's probably not used to having her mind filled with such things.  
I pet her head but then she swats my hand with a trowel.  
"Yeah can we stop talking about girl bits?" Luke adds sticking his tongue out and wrinkling his nose.  
Oh yeah.  
Luke.  
He's a Hufflepuff, he's short but taller than Remus and has messy brown hair and blue eyes, he accidentally dyed his eyebrows green whilst drunk and he's very funny and more perverted than me.  
"Shush or I'll have to throw you all out," Sprout snaps.  
"Would you rather we talked about huge erect penises then?" Alana whispers and then shudders.  
Lezzer!  
I'm horrid, aren't I?  
"Or how much we all want to shove Craig into a wall and fuck him 'til he screams when he's all sexy and damp like that?" Cordelia suggests.  
"Stop it the pair of you or I may just be so over come with animal lust that I just have to screw someone, maybe even Snape, and we wouldn't want that how would we?" Luke says fanning himself with his hand.  
"You know who else is sexy?" Alice says joining in, probably to try and tame the conversation, not that she'll manage, not with Luke here anyway.  
"Who?" Luke asks.  
"Sirius, is," Cordelia says stroking my cheek with her finger.  
"Yeah, everyone wants you Baby!" Luke adds hanging off my shoulder pouting.  
I really love the pair of them.  
They pander to my ego.  
Though if it gets any bigger I'll have to carry it around in a wheelbarrow according to Lily.  
That's the final push for James who has been on the verge of a full-blown giggle fit for the past five minuets.  
That sets the rest of us off.  
"Sirius Black, Eleanor Cresswell, Cordelia Jones, Alice Parker, James Potter, Luke Smith and Alana Wilson out. Now!" Sprout says pointing at the door.

"I think we pissed her off," I snort as we walk back up to the castle.  
"Yeah, ah well, who were you going to say was hot, Lovely?" Luke asks Alice.  
"Remus Lupin," Alice replies, "I only noticed like last week, but he's lush!"  
"Aww, Cutie is quite a looker isn't he!" Luke says.  
I think I'll have to explain this. Luke has a nickname from everyone, Alice is Lovely, Remus is Cutie, I'm Baby, James is Sweetie, Alana is Bunny, Eli is Bumblebee, Lily is Petal and Cordelia is De, her and Lily are lucky, Luke at least associates them with their names.  
"Sorry, James, Sirius, we must be boring you," Cordelia says sympathetically.  
"You're not," I reply, "Actually, not at all, see I'm kinda gay…"  
"Aww! Yay!" Cordelia says hugging me.  
"And Alice isn't the only one who fancies Remus!" James teases.  
"Potter!" I growl.  
He runs towards the castle and I tear after him.

"Remus?" I say, it's empty in the dorm apart from us, James is off catching up on the Herbology we missed but I can't be arsed right now.  
"Yeah?" He says looking up from his book.  
"About yesterday…" I mutter. _I want so much more than that one kiss.  
_"What about it?" Remus asks sounding strained.  
"I don't want us to change," _A lie. I want us to change. A lot. I want there to be an 'us' and not just in terms of friendship.  
_"Me neither," Remus replies looking at his knees.  
"Good, I'm glad, because I really value your friendship," I say trying not to sound disappointed.  
"Yours too," He says nodding a bit.  
"I'm glad that's cleared up." I say.  
"Me too." He replies.  
"I'm going to get washed and ready for bed," I say getting up and going to the bathroom, first I turn the taps on, then the shower.  
Then I sit on the floor.  
It fucking sucks.  
I love him.  
I think I'm _in_ love with him.  
And I can't have him.  
And it hurts like hell.  
I can feel the tears running down my face.  
I hate crying, it's always struck me as something only women and sissies do but here I am.  
I hate it all.  
Love sucks.

Note from the author: Sorry not my fault this time!

Note from the Beta: Sorry guys it's my fault this time, R.J. doesn't like to upload her stuff until it's been Beta'd and then I forgot to do it…but it does mean she's halfway through chapter seven!  
Isn't she mean though! All that fan-service with that at the end!


	7. Pulling Away

Pulling Away

Of plans, lies and wet dog smell.

This Chapter is from Remus's point of view.

(''dreams and memories.)

(normalSirius, _italics_Remus, **bold**James, UnderlinedPeter)

When I was little I had a whole plan worked out. I wanted a job publishing books and a nice house and maybe a wife and kids someday.  
There have been two events in my life that forced me to change those goals.  
The first was being bitten, I knew I wouldn't get the job and maybe not even get into school and what girl in her right mind would want to marry a werewolf?  
The second was realising that I'm gay and therefore the wife and kids were totally out of the question.  
I should have realised then that nothing I really want was ever going to happen…

"I don't want us to change,"  
"Me neither," _a lie. _  
"Good, I'm glad, because I really value your friendship," _I want more…  
_"Yours too," _But I want you so much more than that._  
"I'm glad that's cleared up."  
"Me too." _No I'm not. I wish you'd told me you wanted to be with me._

I stare blankly at the hangings, I'm allowed out of bed today but I just can't seem to find the energy to drag myself up let alone face the rest of the day.  
I know it's near full moon but I haven't been this depressed in years.  
Why does this have to be so difficult?  
Couldn't I have just liked someone who'd be a bit more available?  
Why is it so much harder now I know he's gay too?  
Those awful feelings are resurfacing too, the ones that stop me seeing the point in life, the ones that stifle anything remotely pleasant in the world.

"You do remember Madame Pomfrey said you could get up today right?" James says poking his head in through the gap in my hangings.  
"Yeah." I sigh.  
"I thought you'd have been up ages ago, you were proper ready to get out of here yesterday!" James says sitting on the bottom of the bed.  
"I just don't feel like it." I reply still staring at the canopy above me.  
"Are you alright?" James asks.  
"Depressed. It's no big." I mutter.  
"Remus you haven't been like this in ages," James says now sounding very concerned.  
"I don't want to talk about it." I reply.  
"Well if you do want to you know where I am," James says and gets up.  
Funny how the one time he decided it's better to just leave me rather than risk me losing my temper is the one time I wish he'd persisted.  
I roll onto my front and bury my face into my pillow.

* * *

"Is he coming down?" Sirius asks James as James descends the stairs.  
"No, he's depressed and doesn't want to talk about it," James replies shrugging sadly.  
"I guess it is nearly that time," Sirius replies.  
"Yeah, but I haven't seen him this down in a long time." James says.

* * *

I get up and delve into my trunk, I've stayed in bed until twelve and it's been about an hour since James checked up on me.  
I pull my favourite light blue jeans, an old cream sweater I pinched off Sirius and my chocolate-brown blazer from the bottom of the trunk and dress quickly.  
I still feel crap, I still wish I was anywhere but here and I feel like my hearts breaking but there's as little point in staying in bed as there is getting up so I chose to get up.  
It's raining, this time though it's really raining, like torrentially. Like a monsoon. The first years are terrified.

"They seem to have got it into their heads that a little rain is strong enough to bring down a whole castle," Cordelia explains running a hand through her candy coloured hair.  
"Silly kids," Alana tuts rolling her eyes but not looking up from her book.  
"Where is everyone?" I ask throwing myself into the nearest armchair.  
"Sirius, James and Peter went off downstairs somewhere and Lily is tutoring in the library, oh and I haven't got a clue where El has gone off to, probably the kitchen, she bloody eats for England," Alana explains.  
"Oh, okay," I say pulling my battered copy of Dracula out of my pocket and letting Cordelia and Alana get on with their reading.

"Isn't that my sweater?" Sirius asks throwing himself down by my feet and leaning back onto my legs.  
"I've had it for two years and it won't fit you anymore!" I exclaim dropping my book and wrapping my arms around myself.  
"Bah, thweater seif!" Sirius says and then laughs.  
"I think you mean sweater thief mate," James says moving Cordelia's feet so he can sit down.  
"Whatever," Sirius replies dismissively. "So d'you have a good day being all angsty and on your own?"  
"Yes, it was highly entertaining," I reply acidicly. So I guess this means we're back to normal then.  
"Aww chill princess, you know I'm only teasing," Sirius says turning around and resting his chin on my knees.  
"Sure, whatever," I reply. I can't be arsed with him right now.  
I don't want to be all normal.  
I want to be back to the other day.  
But not before we got all close.  
Not before that day we went to hogsmead.  
Back to being really close.  
Like it was when we just stood and talked.  
Why did I have to get ill?  
Why did that stupid kiss have to happen?

"So we on for tonight then?" James asks me.  
"Yeah. Why wouldn't we be?" I ask.  
The girls are probably thinking this is some prank we want to pull.  
Well what we're about to do is far from some silly prank and that's for sure.

* * *

"**So we ready?"  
**"Yeah I guess…"  
"Man am I going to stink when we get back!"  
"**Yeah. Do not pollute all the air with wet dog stink if you can help it!"  
**"Yeah and get a shower this time,"  
"Says you, you were bloody coated in mud last time!"  
"Yeah but I didn't make the whole dorm smell!"  
"No you just made it dirty!"  
**"Stop bickering and let's go…"**

* * *

Note from the author: it ain't been beta'd cause they all disappeared.  
I can't believe i'm this far, half way in fact! 


	8. Not Like 'Haha' Funny

Not Like 'Ha-Ha' Funny.

Of aches, drama queens and zippers on pants.

This Chapter is from Sirius's point of view.

(''dreams and memories.)

(normalSirius, _italics_Remus, **bold**James, UnderlinedPeter)

'His lips meet mine and hands glide across my skin, the water trickles across our bodies and steam fills the whole room fogging the mirror in which I can see our blurred reflections' and it's all so perfect that I don't want to be pulled back into consciousness but the dream is already slipping away to be replaced by a dull ache, one in my heart and the rest all over my body.  
I cannot even imagine how much pain Remus must have been in on Sunday morning. Why do I hurt so damn much?  
Every muscle in my body is protesting what I did to them the other night.  
I really don't want to get up but it's Monday and I actually have to.  
God, I have to stop dreaming about him, it has to get back to normal. For the sake of our friendship if nothing else.  
I open one eye reluctantly and peer at the clock.

12.24pm.

Bloody hell I slept late.  
Lessons. I've missed all our first lessons!  
I wonder if James and Peter made it. I wonder how Remus is doing, he should have been out of the hospital wing by this morning if he's lucky.  
I groan as I try to move my arm, apparently the more you transform the less it hurts afterwards.

"Hey sleeping beauty!" James says pulling back my curtain, he already dressed and washed but there's a scratch on his face. "how you feeling?"  
"Funny…" I reply.  
"Funny how?" He asks.  
"Well not like 'ha-ha' funny…" I say pouting.  
"Aww, well you kinda should get up it's the afternoon." James says patting my head.  
"Right, so I take it I missed breakfast?" I ask grinning.  
"And lunch," he amends.  
"Oh buggery." I say wrinkling my nose. "What about lessons?"  
"Oh well and I told them you seemed a bit off last night so I didn't want to wake you, you can come and talk to me about whatever's been off between you and Remus recently." James says grabbing my arm.  
I sigh and get out of bed.  
"Do we have to get into it?" I ask pulling a black sweater from my chest along with black jeans and a black t-shirt. I'm having a black day.  
"Yeah actually, you two had been getting really close and then bam. You're hardly talking to each other!" James says smacking his hands together to illustrate the 'bam'.  
"Fine, you know that kiss?" I says pulling off my pyjama top and putting my t-shirt on.  
"Yeah," James prompts.  
"Well, I wanted… I wanted more than… I wanted more than I should to… to come from it…" I'm finding it hard getting this out.  
"And?" James says.  
"Remus clearly didn't so I… I told him it meant nothing but… I'm finding it difficult to be around him at the moment… because of… because of it…" I continue.  
"Remus didn't want more?" James says incredulously, "Like fuck Remus didn't want more!"  
"James…" I sigh.  
"No. You two. You and him. The both of you. You're impossible!" James replies. "He were all super unhappy because he thought you were straight and then you're not and then you get all close and I'm like yay! Remus'll stop moping about being in love with you and then you even kiss but no you have to complicate it."  
I open my mouth to protest but James is in full flow.  
"Because it was a kiss for a dare you have to pretend like it didn't mean a thing when it was really what both of you wanted but you can't possibly just admit you liked it and shock horror like each other and get together and be happy and all that!" James stops briefly to catch his breath.  
"Nope because neither of you can possibly just be damn happy, because god forbid if you are what on earth would you have to be angst princesses over?!  
I mean neither of you can just get on with life normally, I'm beginning to think the pair of you like wallowing in your own bloody misery because if no ones making you miserable you just both have to make some to wallow in!"  
"Are you quite finished?" I snap.  
"Yeah say your piece." James shrugs.  
"For a start Remus is not in love with me and couldn't possibly be in love with me don't be stupid.  
It's not just because it was a kiss for a dare. He did not want it who are you to tell me what Remus does and doesn't want?  
I'll freely admit that I like him but I'm not going to believe that he likes me back until he tells me himself and therefore we can't just get together and be all happy.  
And I can be damn happy! I am not an angst princess don't you dare call me that it's my insult! Well Cordelia's but that is beyond the point she said i could use it not you!  
If you'd had my life you'd find normal a bit odd and I don't like wallowing in my own misery and certainly don't create misery for myself to wallow in so shut up. I hate you!" I retort.  
"Am I interrupting?"

Oh.

Holy.

Fuck.

I'm fucked.

Remus heard that.

Probably all of that.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Shit.

Fuck.

"Um…" James is blushing.  
"You know I agree with Sirius on some of the points about misery…" Remus says folding his arms.  
He has new scratches on his face and arms.  
"Fuck…" I mutter under my breath.  
I can't believe I just poured all of that out when he was standing in the doorway.  
He knows I like him.  
I've ruined everything.  
I turn sharply and run to the bathroom slamming the door behind me and locking it.

Bollocks.  
That was bad. Really, really bad.  
If this were happening to anyone else I'd find it comical. God I'm a bastard.

"Sirius?" There's a soft tap on the bathroom door and I want to pretend I didn't hear but I did and he'll know I did.  
"Yeah…" I say and my voice comes out all broken and squeaky.  
"Honey we need to talk and I'm not talking to you through a door," Remus says and he sounds all quiet and serious and yeah I know he does most of the time but he sounds even quieter and seriouser than normal and my gods seriouser isn't even a word…  
I stand up wiping my tear streaked face on my sleeve and unlock the door, "Come in,"  
He enters the bathroom and oh my he's all pale and scratched up and he looks very solemn and he's so cute when he pulls that face and I can just tell I've fucked it up so bad that I shouldn't be thinking about his cuteness at all.  
"Hey don't cry," He says reaching out and wiping my cheek with the sleeve of his black sweater which he stole off me, because he likes nicking my sweaters, and yeah I'm thinking about sweaters to avoid the fact that his hand is on my face and it fills my stomach with butterflies.  
I move his hand.  
"Sorry it's just that I like you, a lot and I know you don't want…" I begin feeling so incredibly pathetic.  
"Who are you to tell me what I do and don't want?" He cuts me of raising his eyebrow the hand I've just moved clenching into a fist.  
I said that, well not precisely that, to James.  
"What do you want?" I ask, the butterflies are really fluttering now.  
"You." He replies.  
"Why the hell would you want me?" somehow I can't quite believe he just said that.  
"Why are you questioning me?" He asks his fist tightening.  
"I dunno I just…"  
"Just what? God Sirius stop being such a drama queen!" He says frowning at me.  
"You did not just call me a drama queen!" I hit back pouting.  
"Actually I did!" Remus replies.  
"Who are you to call me a drama queen? You're worse than me!" I retort slightly irritataed.  
Probably because he's right.  
He's always damn right.  
"I am not worse than you c'mon you're like emo queen of angst!" he snaps.  
"Oh really? At least I'm not so pessimistic that I think my whole life is over do you honestly think opinions don't change it was only a few years ago that being gay was made legal, Remus things change!" I snap back. Oh fuck that was out of order and I don't really want to fight with him but all the frustration I've felt over the past few days is slowly leaking out.  
"What the hell has that got to do with anything?" Remus says through clenched teeth.  
"I'm proving you're worse than me!" I reply knowing I should stop before this gets out of hand  
"Well I'm not at least I'm not all my parents hate me so everyone else including me has to as well." he snarls and I can tell what I said hurt him and why am I doing this?  
"I can't believe you just threw that at me I mean sure I bought up the taboo subject that you don't like to talk about because it might actually mean changing your plans to wallow…" I begin because I can't just back down and tell him I'm sorry.  
"Fuck you Sirius how dare you even think…" He starts to almost yell.  
"Go on fuck me then!" I cut in.  
Then all of a sudden his mouth is on mine and my arms are wrapped around him one hand on his arse and one of his hands is tangled in my hair and my back hits the wall and his other hand is on my stomach and my tongue is in his mouth.  
I shove my hand down the back of his trousers and his finger nails rake the skin on my chest which makes me moan and oh my god this is better than any dream I've ever had.  
I stick my free hand out and grope for the bolt on the door sliding it across as he gently bites my bottom lip and I moan again and really hope James isn't still in the dorm.  
My hand moves back onto his body and up the back of his shirt and I scrape my nails down his back making him whimper and I'll be damned if it isn't the sexiest sound I've ever heard.  
The hand in my hair pulls slightly forcing me to tip my head to one side and then his mouth isn't on mine anymore its on my neck and then he bites just a little just enough for the tinest hint of pain and my knees buckle because it feels so good.  
He removes his hand from my hair and uses both hands to pull both my jumper and t-shirt over my head which causes him to stop kissing my neck for a few seconds but as soon as the jumper is gone he resumes occasionally nipping me with his teeth or licking, the licking is good…  
He winds his hand back into my hair which is actually a real turn-on just in itself and my pants feel really tight now not that they weren't rather tight to begin with.  
I don't know how he got this good considering the fact he's a virgin and all but I don't have much time for contemplation as I'm too busy undoing the buttons on his shirt.  
Once they're all undone my hand travels down to the waist band of his trousers and I undo the zip causing them fall to his ankles, I like baggy pants.  
I don't have much time to think about that fact either as I realise that he's just undone my pants with one hand and said hand goes right into my boxers…

* * *

Note from teh Author: I'm thinking of putting the adult version on another site so I'll give you a link if I do!

Note from 2009: And then they got together but obviously all the things that happened in the Harry Potter books happened.  
I've labelled this as complete, as far as I'm concerned it is. Thank you very much for reading :]


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